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The Diabolical Pober and his undeniably sexy musings...

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Monday, July 17th, 2006
2:19 am - No. Fucking. Way.
Some dude on the And1 MixTape Tour threw down the impossible -- a 720º dunk. This athleticism shit's gettin' outta hand.
1 insulting comment|mean words
Thursday, June 1st, 2006
8:38 pm - http://mrpibba.blogspot.com
This update is all about angels and apologies. So, first, did you know that every time I update, an angel's death I bring -- my offending words arresting the flapping of his wings. Please don't question my pronoun usage, either; women must be beautiful Victoria's Secret models or willing to be transformed into various flavors of delicious fruit pies in order to be admitted to heaven. Duh.

Secondly, I apologize for not updating here in a while, but please click on over to http://mrpibba.blogspot.com, the newest addition to my collection of personal websites. There's quite a bit of new, and hopefully interesting, content to satisfy your cravings -- at least your cravings for words chosen and arranged by myself. As for your other cravings and/or desires, check these guys out.


Also, holy shit, make it your sole priority to go buy Ignite's newest album, "Our Darkest Days." Dare I say essential? Sometimes I get caught up in an album that soon spins it's way out of my cd player, but this one hasn't left in a few weeks - and I don't see it going anywhere, either. Make sure to check out the Blackout Pact's "Hello Sailor," too. After owning the disc for 6 months I'm comfortable saying it's pretty damn great punk rock.
mean words
Friday, May 5th, 2006
11:32 pm - middle school vernacular
Was the word 'bibba' ever accepted into common English? When was the last time you thought about the word 'bibba'? Hopefully not anytime recently.
mean words
Thursday, April 27th, 2006
1:14 am - blame it on ADD
Now at blog*spot: Undeniably Sexy Musings from The Dumpster.

Now I can update multiple sites - 3 including my old geocities site. Perfect.
mean words
Friday, April 14th, 2006
11:36 am - The Barry Incident: A-Z.
"A big creamy dump!?"
"Enough! Fucker."
"Go home. Immediately."
"Just keep listening. Mayonnaise?"
"NO."
"Oh. Peroxide?"
"Quiet."
"Really, sorry. The underlying value--"
"Wafting excrement?"
"Yes! Zephyred."

A rare attempt at dialogue, embedded in another pointless A-Z exercise. This time I quit, I swear.
mean words
12:59 am - ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ
A boy crouched deliriously, eyeing, fingering, grinding his incisors, just knowing little, more not optional; periwinkled questions ruminated steadily, transparent, ubiquitous, very well X-Y zetetics.

That was a semi-difficult and fully unrewarding exercise. Laaaaaaaaame. And, yes, Z demanded dictionary consultation. How does something that seemed so promising in conception prove to be so annoying and pretentious when finally realized? That's the question my parents must be asking.
2 insulting comments|mean words
Monday, March 27th, 2006
12:25 am - Variations
I just got back from seeing Saves The Day rock Tremont. It was a pretty good show. At one point Bruce, Will, and I were hypothesizing about line-up changes we hoped Saves The Day might have undergone since we'd last seen them; Jonathan Davis, or, if we were really lucky, DMX, replacing Chris Conley; and, if Jonathan Davis, then Fieldy just tagging along, too; Fred Durst joining as a DJ/backup vocalist as well. Since Will and Bruce thought they'd heard ferocious (human) barking and unceasing repetitions of the half-growled-half-shouted lyric "I got blood on my dick 'cause I fucked a corpse" emanating from backstage, we were optimistic about seeing the DMX-fronted Saves The Day. Sadly, Chris Conley took the stage. But whatever. We'd still used those 20 minutes of uncertainty to ruminate about lyrics DMX might have discarded on his way to selecting such a creative, tasteful, and intelligent portrayal of necrophilia. Likely scribble-outs-or-erasures: "I got poo on my nutz 'cause I fucked a horse," "I've got gas on my penis 'cause I fucked a Porsche;" "I had sex in some sewage now I've got some warts;" "I got a burned up dick 'cause I fucked a torch;" "I got scrapes on my dick 'cause I fucked your porch."
mean words
Friday, March 24th, 2006
12:35 am - less related than 8th cousins
Larry Bird and Adam Morrison do have one striking similarity - they look nothing like talented basketball players. Not at all. They look like bums. Alcoholic trailer trash. If I didn't know better I'd think they were drunken, personalized-jersey-clad fans who stumbled from the stands into the huddle to be mistakenly admitted to the game. Or maybe assholes so hammered they just ran onto the court.

If I ever enter a dwelling with a Fathead on the wall I promise to immediately, silently, turn and exit.

If my name was Dog/Dawg, I'd make a habit of telling female companions to "fetch my boner" while gesturing toward my crotch and making obnoxious faces.

I'm convinced seals have a strange evolutionary history, the inconceivable interbred products of cats, dogs, pancakes/dumplings, and slugs.

Recently my channel flipping paid off, landing on TNA (tits 'n ass? what else could TNA stand for?) wrestling. One of the wrestlers actually responded to the name "big bad booty daddy." The announcers also referred to him as, what sounded like, "big papa lumps." Sadly, after brief online research, I discovered his nickname was actually "big poppa pump." I have no idea, either.
mean words
Thursday, March 23rd, 2006
6:32 pm - mmmmeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
If you're bored, check out this speech I gave in my Public Speaking class. I thought it went pretty well at the time, though I haven't watched the video yet. The speech idea is adopted from a piece I'm writing.

[note: Give it a try, but the link might not work for you. It seems to for those on Davidson's campus, but I'm working on fixing the problem for non-Davidson users.]
1 insulting comment|mean words
Friday, March 17th, 2006
3:42 pm - guilty fun...
Sheldon Williams, Duke's admired, respected 2-way stalwart and a favorite player of mine, has physical, especially facial, features more boogeymanish than anything I could invent. Thus, I've decided he'll be the grotesque creature whose existence I'll use to deter my children's misbehavior, threatening that he'll materialize and inflict gross punishment at the slightest misdeed.
mean words
Tuesday, March 7th, 2006
2:00 am - it all makes sense
Tonight I smoked a pipe, watched TV, gurgled and drooled a brainbender; my lips the dam overflowing with a violent purge of unparalleled dumbdom: "It would be really cool to watch this show." I shuddered, my eyes desperately trying to somersault, then slumped in the chair. My eyelids fluttered; I eased upright and returned to the pipe.
1 insulting comment|mean words
Monday, March 6th, 2006
10:48 am
Leave it to the boys from the Triple 6 to enliven an otherwise dull, buttoned-down event:

When Three 6 Mafia's name was called Sunday as the winner of the Oscar for best original song, its members bounded joyfully onto the stage, where they offered shout-outs to friends.

"I just couldn't believe it. I couldn't stand still," Jordan "Juicy J" Houston said backstage. "I had to run somewhere. I started to run somewhere. People thought the police was probably chasing me somewhere."

From the AP News Wire: SOLVEJ SCHOU, Mar. 6, 2006.
mean words
Wednesday, February 22nd, 2006
4:44 pm - Productivity? Who needs it.
Nobody can claim that every classroom experience is productive, and I rarely claim such. However, as a result of my near-constant classroom state of distraction, "zoning out," I've always enjoyed reviewing my notes for tests. Not because they are helpful - they certainly aren't since they rarely reflect class content or discussions - but because they are filled with stupidly funny doodles (like people with huge heads and tiny bodies, living food products with faces and legs, or animals/people with horns and/or too many limbs) and strange ideas and observations. Case in point, these notes, copied verbatim from last semester's notebook, documenting my teacher's unexpected words:

"BEST QUOTE EVER: If I thought all European women were stank, uhh...well, I guess that's not very scholarly...have poor hygiene..."

Scribbled in the margins of that same piece of paper is this classic dilemma:
"Would you prefer a...Death Sandwich OR Sandwich Death (akin to 'loafing1')?"

Burrowed in the borders of another page is this tragic lament, "FALSE HOPE in my pudding..." I can't even pretend I have any idea what that might mean.

On the same page, under the actually class-relevant heading "Middle Class," rest interesting (and decidedly non-class-relevant) musings on apparent middle-class activities, including "rectal-ramming - the practice of forcing dumbbells and radishes into an unsuspecting victim's anal orifice."

Beneath the heading "Upper Class" are notes indicating wealthy individuals "eat the middle class for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, with the lower class for dessert; often spread animals or foreigners blood over food as a gravy or dressing; delight in hitting bikers and walkers with their SUVs; often challenge handicapped children to races while sitting in their sports cars, then reverse directly over struggling handicaps after destroying them in said race; (the richies) replace limbs w/ solid gold replicas."

I can hear my parents crying. In retrospect, I probably should have gone to community college.



1For clarification, loafing is the sport/activity where one or many beat another with a soft loaf of bread.

current mood: Productive
4 insulting comments|mean words
Friday, February 17th, 2006
1:09 am - I'll be there...
straight punk rock:

Care Bears Live : Caring and Sharing Friends
Cricket Arena
Charlotte, NC
Thursday, 04/06/06
1 insulting comment|mean words
1:06 am - mirrors
sometimes when I'm drunk I flex in the mirror. that just makes me drink more. I also enjoy poops that break the regular schedule; what an unexpected treat.
mean words
Tuesday, February 7th, 2006
12:16 am - I must be bored...
...because I'm updating again. Actually, I quite enjoy writing here, where there are no expectations.

So, the other day I was thinking that people are way too wound up, always bustling about, spastic like trout. Yeah, I just thought a ridiculous rhyme felt appropriate at the end of that destinationless1 sentence. Anyway, people should do what I do: Stop actually doing so many things but think about doing more things. Thus, you always feel like you're preparing to do something but are never actually motivated to act; you compensate for inactivity by imagining doing great, strenuous things. I mean, come on, how can anyone even decide which activity is most important2?

(editor's note: I promise the rest of this update will be better than that. The preceeding section is pretty uninspired, pretty boring. I'm only leaving it in to shame myself in the future, so I'll never write anything so embarrassing and bland again)

On an unrelated note, watching heavily censored movies on network TV doesn't have to be supremely annoying for the missing content and disrupted dialogue; in fact, the dialogue is precisely what can make such viewings a real hoot. I had this epiphany while watching a cheesy, knockoff gangsta movie on BET Saturday night. Since something in the range of 98% of the dialogue was *bleeped* (actually blanked) out, I assumed the characters were severely mentally handicapped. Why? Because regularly eliminating words tends to make speech entirely abnormal and nonrhythmic, not to mention nonsensical. When I realized that the characters actually weren't supposed to be retarded, I laughed, cried, then realized I could make millions (or at least offend as many) if I were to produce a gripping, harrowing, (inherently) insane depiction of "retarded thug life." The moral: watch excessively profane movies on network TV and imagine the characters actually talk the way censoring makes them sound - limited by a strange speech impediment, some super-stutter, if not fully mentally disabled.

Lastly, I was watching some movie the other night when my groin cried out for attention (no, not that kind of movie). I was overcome by the primitive male urge to comfort - fondle, scratch, and reposition - his entire 'privates package'3. I reached downward and grabbed a hefty handful before I realized that a group of school-aged children were frolicking on the television screen. It's not that such a realization affected me, I knew and understood my intentions, but it generated concern that if someone were to walk into the room they might misinterpret my actions. Immediately afterward my spastic mind embarked on a laughter-rewarding mission to brainstorm the most inappropriate times to dig into one's pants and "rub them nuts." Besides anything involving children, funerals or anything involving death seemed pretty obvious, especially while walking past the casket during a wake. Court and church seemed bad too. How about watching holiday home videos with the family? Please, seriously, don't ever even mention to my parents/relatives/bosses/judges that I've ever maintained any website.


1 Yep, I'm so confident in my writing that I'm inventing words...directionless just didn't quite convey what I wanted.
2 Right, the common human faculty to 'prioritize' would enable such. I lack thee.
3 Scrotum, testicles, penis...ehhh, and whatever else a dude might have in his pants. Pet herpetic blisters, anyone? Crabs?
2 insulting comments|mean words
Friday, February 3rd, 2006
12:52 am - oh, god, this is hilarious...
[Excerpted from an ALLHIPHOP.com interview] Lil' Wayne is a straight shooter:

AllHipHop.com: With "Shooters," did you hear the original version by Thicke and just wanted to redo it?

Lil' Wayne: Yeah, hell yeah. I heard it years ago, on his album.

AllHipHop.com: Do you think that would surprise people, like, "Weezy listens to Thicke?"

Lil' Wayne: Fuck people.
mean words
12:21 am - Hip-Hop and Punk Rock
It's nice to see any musician with a sincere appreciation for genres strikingly dissimilar, at least in sound, from their own. In this fantastic excerpt from an ALLHIPHOP.com interview, legendary rapper Bun B makes some keen observations about similarities between hip-hop and punk rock:

AllHipHop.com: Your musical tastes extend beyond Hip-Hop, tell me about other things you dig…

Bun B:
I like a lot of early 80's Punk music like Black Flag and Dead Kennedy's. Some of the Ramones stuff too. I really dig Dead Kennedy’s, and I'm a Sex Pistols fan. ‘Cause if you think about it, the same timeframe of that music [was] when early Rap was breaking. Whether it was Hollis, or coming out of Queensbridge or coming out of the Bowery or Hell’s Kitchen - all of it was out of poverty. Whatever you want to call it, it's below standard living. There is a certain intensity and rage that come out of living in that type of world, and the way that they view the rest of the world, because it's not comfortable where they sit. That's the same mentality that Rap had in its inception. The same mentality that Punk had. ‘Cause I can feel like that, mothafuckas are pissed off. And I can buy it a little more from them than I can from Rap, because I'm too closely tied into the performance and the artist, and Rap music. ‘Cause I be pissed off, mad, and angry, and I be wanting to vent. But some of this Rap don't do that. I listen to Radiohead every now and then. I'm still trying to figure out how they make that shitt. There's really just an art of the music that they put together. I really have no clue on how they sit there and put that type of shit together. But I'm not going to sit there and try to decipher it. If I like it, I just like it.

AllHipHop.com: As far as Punk and Rap, the 80’s were an interesting time…

Bun B:
Well, we all got our music from the same source in the 80's. There was no BET, there was no VH1. We was watching Friday night videos, the shit on USA that used to come on all night and fuckin’ MTV. So we would sit around and listen to Billy Idol and Rod Stewart and Michael Jackson. We all watched the same shit. White kids in New York. they went to the Black corners. They partied down town, walked through the park, they didn't hang in the park, but they walked past the park. Everybody was getting the same music from the same place. We all relate a lot better to each other than we think we do. That's why when you be at a concert you be thinking, like if you go to a Jay show or a 50 show, you see all them White boys. And you be like, “These White boys gonna get fucked up.” They don't. You always think they do, but they don't. They be the ones that’s partying too hard.

I've been known to call myself the Dumptruck, and Bun just earned himself an extra heap of respect.
mean words
Friday, January 27th, 2006
8:27 pm - Reppin' my Region
"...but this is southern, face it / if we too simple than y'all don't get the basics."
A fantastic lyric from "The Shooter," a standout track on Lil' Wayne's genre-defining Tha Carter II.

I recently started writing again as part of an Independent Study in Writing with Will and Jeff McKinney. Hopefully we'll have a website/e-zine set up soon where we'll be publishing regularly.
2 insulting comments|mean words
Monday, January 16th, 2006
2:03 am - hit 'em in the mouth
Steve Smith sets it straight: "You throw me the ball, that's my job, to catch it. If I don't catch the ball, they'll get somebody in here who will. I've got four people at home depending on me to do my job. I can't go home with excuses. That's not in my nature."

The Panthers are back in the NFC Championship game. Enough said.

current mood: perfect
1 insulting comment|mean words
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